Overpowered, Overworked, and Out of Coffee

I was just trying to brew my morning espresso when my kitchen exploded, dropping me directly into the war-torn realm of Osh-Tirna. Now, I apparently possess world-shattering magic, an annoying holographic interface that sounds exactly like my own voice, and a terrifying ancient dragon that I accidentally squished into a purring house cat named Crumb so he'd stop blocking my view. The Ash-Blood Vanguard, an army of self-proclaimed invincible demonic warlords, keeps interrupting my attempts to scavenge rusty spoons and chipped wooden goblets. I just swat them away like flies, but the locals are losing their minds. When I cooked a standard bowl of oatmeal to calm my nerves, the aroma accidentally triggered mass divine ascension among the local knights. Now, a ridiculously stubborn fortress commander named Veylin won't stop following me around, convinced I'm their prophesied savior. The worst part? I keep finding ancient ruins filled with inside jokes only I would know. Did my past self really build this entire stupid world just to mess with my future reincarnation?