The synthetic chime echoed through the sealed Grand Reliquary. Jaro Tenza, his hand still on the hidden blade beneath his sleeve, assessed the impossible situation with the practiced calm of a veteran. The glowing avatar, a beacon of unsettling corporate glee, hung suspended in the air like a deranged fairy. Milla was out there, unarmed, unsuspecting, and trapped beneath the lockdown runes. [ALL STUDENTS WILL BE GRADED ON RESOURCEFULNESS, COMBAT PROWESS, AND ADHERENCE TO SCHOLA GUIDELINES! FAILURE TO ACHIEVE MINIMUM METRICS WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE ACADEMY-WIDE DEBUFFS! ENJOY THE ASSESSMENT, ASPIRING HEROES!] The avatar winked, its oversized eye closing then reopening before dissolving into purple motes. A low hum ran along the threshold wards. Jaro didn’t waste a second. He wasn’t breaking out; he was initiating a bypass. His fingers, calloused from years of wielding more than just a mop, danced over the intricate runes etched into a display case holding a legendary war-axe. Not to disarm, but to trick. He precisely tapped a sequence known only to the most dedicated relic thieves – or, in his case, a former assassin who’d once needed to infiltrate the world’s most secure vaults. A barely audible *click* resonated from the wall behind the display. A section of the ornate stone, seemingly solid, slid inward to reveal a cramped, dust-choked service tunnel. It reeked of stale air and forgotten things. He squeezed through, the stone panel sliding shut behind him, leaving the opulent reliquary undisturbed. The tunnel was a labyrinth, but Jaro navigated it by instinct, his internal map of the Schola’s hidden passages more detailed than any official blueprint. A shrill whistle scraped along the stone overhead, followed by a dull *thump*. He dropped from an exhaust grate into the east gallery just as Rodel Vance hit the tiles face-first. Rodel thrashed on the marble, a pale amber halo sputtering across his sternum. Around him, three spectral stalkers flickered in and out of phase, their snouts trailing blue vapor. “[GOLDEN SOUL-SEED ACTIVATION FAILED! LIFE-FORCE DRAIN INITIATED! CRITICAL STABILITY WARNING!]” a System message blared, hovering directly above Rodel’s writhing form. The parasitic core chewed through Rodel's reserves. Rodel clawed at the stone, gagging on spit. “No! Stop! It hurts! My power!” The apparitions closed in, snapping at the dying glow around his ribs. Jaro slipped past the pillar toward the lower dormitories, leaving the hero to writhe. He found her in the gallery beside the refectory, where half a dozen freshmen huddled against the masonry while cantrips fizzled harmlessly through empty air. Milla stood braced before them, holding a leather lexicon across her chest, chin squared. Two shadow-beasts drifted around her hem, waiting for their forms to lock. One beast condensed, lunging. Jaro kicked the rusted anchor chain of a disused iron fixture near the archway. The mounting gave way with a screech; two hundred pounds of wrought iron smashed through the creature's spine in a burst of powdered vapor. Milla skipped back, clutching her book. “Oh! Goodness, that was close! Are you alright, everyone?” The second beast snapped at her knees. Jaro fumbled loudly, booting an abandoned tin pail straight off the floor. Driven by raw Vanguard torque, the bucket caught the monster mid-pounce, driving it into the brickwork with enough kinetic force to burst its spectral skull into damp soot. Jaro sprawled across the flagstones, brushing dust off his frayed denim. “Oops! Clumsy me,” he mumbled. Milla pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jaro! Honestly, you’re going to get hurt being so careless!” In the adjoining wing, Inessa Davor's twin rapiers hissed through empty air, sparks skittering off limestone as the remaining beasts phased past her steel. Sweat stung her left eye as she deflected a vaporous swipe. A heavier stalker solidified right behind her shoulder, jaw parted wide. She pivoted on her heel, but the strike was already falling. A zinc washbasin whistled past her cheek like a siege bolt. The crack split the air; the monster disintegrated into shards of blue light against the masonry, leaving hairline fractures in the stone blocks. Inessa froze. The mangled zinc basin spun to a halt on the floor, trailing filthy suds. Down the colonnade, a slouching silhouette in Scrapper gray slipped behind a pillar. “[ASSESSMENT COMPLETE! CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL PARTICIPANTS! GRADING METRICS CALCULATED!]” The announcement chimed from the ceiling stones, dispelling the remaining phantoms and popping the door latches open. “[SPECIAL RECOGNITION TO RODEL VANCE FOR EXEMPLARY LEADERSHIP AND TACTICAL PROWESS! HIS COURAGEOUS EFFORTS HAVE SECURED A SIGNIFICANT BOON FOR A DESERVING PEER!] Jaro went rigid. “No,” he muttered. A pale tractor beam nudged Milla toward the center of the flagstones. “[AS A REWARD FOR RODEL VANCE’S VALIANT PERFORMANCE, MILLA TENZA HAS BEEN SELECTED AS AN HONORARY VANGUARD! THIS EXCLUSIVE TITLE GRANTS INCREASED VISIBILITY TO DIVINE BLESSINGS AND GUARANTEES PRIME SELECTION FOR ALL FUTURE EXPEDITIONS!]” A gilded brand stamped itself into the fabric over Milla’s collarbone, flaring with the identical amber frequency that had nearly eaten Rodel alive.

Janitorial Mishaps and Lethal Mop Buckets